there's someone i hate

was describing to the best friend how the day went, and it started me off on a train of thought that's......., well, for want of a better phrase, thought-provoking.
and the best friend threatened to blog about it if i did not.
so i have, by verbal acclaim, and depending on said person's honesty, declared my right and my intention (though fulfilled very late) to blog about the issue.

was telling him how much i dreaded working with one particular senior colleague in my department. well, i just found out that i'll be doing a 24-hour duty with that person in a few days time. and already, i can't stop thinking about it.
so why do i dread working with the guy?
well, truth is, he was my senior in medical school, and we lived in the same hostel. as things were not too long ago, seniors had a lot of freedom to behave as they felt like with freshers. and this guy, and his bunch made life miserable for me in my first year in medical school.
i guess things were magnified by the fact that i was all of 17, away from home for the first time, in a new culture and environment. still, i never look back to those incidents with any sort of peace or happiness. i just can't seem to forget the nasty behaviour (do i sound like a sissy, or a victorian lady about to swoon?).
but i realised something important about myself as i was describing all this aloud.
i realised that all this while, i kept saying that i dreaded working with the guy because he was pretty nasty to me, and that he surely hated me for one reason or the other.
what was not said, was that 'he hates me' is just a "christian's" way of saying 'i hate him'.
i don't mean all you lovely christians out there, i mean me, the one who keeps trying to be christian, but never succeeds.
and yes, i realized i do hate him for making me miserable so long ago.
is that so wrong? i think it is wrong, but right now, i can't help it.
maybe i'll get the strength to get over it sometime, and look beyond what was miserable in life, to what was, and is, wonderful in life.