Saturday, June 16, 2007

what is home?

hello thin air!!!!!
am back after a gluttonous and slothful week spent at home
did nothing but sit and talk with my mother and brother, and eat a lot (so what's new, you ask? ok, fair point.) and watch a lot of mindless television
been wondering about something for quite some time now, in fact since i came to college.
been wondering what home is.
i once thought up a rather cheeky phrase which i thought was true: HOME IS WHERE ONE UNPACKS
sounds reasonable doesn't it? you stay at home, and pack up to go out, and return when your excursion is over, and unpack.
for the last 6 years, i've been unpacking here, and living off a suitcase at home
yes, my room was not preserved in pristine condition for me simply because......... there's not enough space.
i still remember when i used to live at home. me and my brother sharing that bedroom. we were really happy.
oh no, we weren't in love with each other or anything. just that after 15 years of living in a small house with one bedroom and a hall (and usually, there used to be at least 6 people cooped up there, sometimes upto 10), we were overjoyed at having something to call our own "space"
of course it wasn't perfect. my father always used to come into the room to read the newspaper in the mornings to save on electricity spent on fans and lights!!!! and the concept of individual privacy was not something my mother understood. she wanted to know about every phone call, etc (my brother and i are still trying to tell her about those concepts). nonetheless, it was ours, even if for a few precious hours (suddenly, i'm thinking: it rhymes!!!!! can i add another line ending with wars, arse, mars, cars, SARS, or whatever?)
my brother and i had our own bed, and a table in between, and the cupboards nicely demarcated.
the first time i returned home, the two beds had been joined, and my brother needed both to sleep on. well, of course i was free to use it, but the difference was there. when i opened the cupboards, it was full of his stuff.
and i....... lived off a suitcase.
and how can i blame him? why should he save up space for me?
i guess it was more quickly obvious to him that i had left home for good.
i never thought about it back then. but it dawned on me over the years, that i had left home for good.
by the end of next year, my mother will retire from her government job and will have to vacate the quarters (our home?). she'll move back to my parent's native place, my brother will remain in the big city about 2500 kilometres away, and i'll be here, in this small town in the middle of nowhere, but geographically somewhere in between these two.
so i know, that what i used to call home, will pretty much cease to exist in another 18 months or so.
and, 6 years later, the truth is that i feel more comfortable here; i have my own space here, my own privacy. maybe that's what i meant. after all, this is where i unpack, isn't it?

1 comment:

minerva said...

u are back!
online now?
changed the layout, btw, thanks to u .. :-)
good to have u back..